It's Hyphenated

Long underwear – check.  Hat with amusing ear flaps – check (function over fashion).  Hello Kitty mittens with easily accessible thumb cover – check.  Triple thick, but breathable, socks – check.  Running shoes with rubber grip tread – check.  You know, I don’t necessarily do Black Friday sales for much other than the thrill of getting a good deal.  I don’t need a 72 inch flat screen television.  I don’t need a set of pots and pans for $20.  What I do need is a deal where I only paid 10% of the actual cost of something and rub it in the face of the person next to me in line when I get the last one and they didn’t!  No, I’m not that cruel…or am I?  Hmmm… 

I already have my plan of attack for Thursday night.  It must be like planning a “bank job”.  I have my store blueprints, the time each store opens, when guards are changing positions to secure doorbuster items, a list of “hits”, the estimated in and out time, calculating in the stupid people (which accounts for most of it).  It’s like I should be wearing all black and a ski mask while the Mission Impossible theme song plays.  Dun..Dun...Da Da...Dun..Dun…Da Da..Dun..Dun.  “NO!  That’s MY Barbie & Friends Cruise Play Set!” – as I upper cut back flip through the mall and land perfectly on a pile of 20 piece Tupperware box sets with bonus spatulas, propel into the air whilst gently tossing a sack of exact change to the cashier. 

…Propelling line – check.

Ruthless, daring, cut-throat, brutal - all my middle name.  It’s hyphenated.  “Watch out $1.98 movie cart, here I come!”  Last year I played nice.  I stood in line for hours waiting for a small skid of Wii Rock Band boxes to be “green lighted”.  In the end, the whistle blew and people not in line were grabbing two at a time, filling up multiple carts.  I’m not really sure anyone in line got one.  People are merciless during sales!  Believe you me, I’ll be stepping up my game this year – or my name isn’t Sarah Ruthless-daring-cut-throat-brutal Pringle! 

…Hamstring muscles stretched – check.